i can honestly say that the start of me liking pain was at some point in 11th grade by hitting my arm against the rows of lockers until i got to my class - at the same time though it annoyed some and i didnt care, in 12th grade i continued the same habit, got more and more annoying (i had all these weird little habits of tapping things, and messing around with light hitting my watch (i would shine it in the front of the room and it bugged other students), and twisting the bezel on my watch to make a clicking sound) - and eventually started cutting myself - now i have avoided cutting for a couple of months but i cant keeps this up - i have to feel pain its the only thing that makes me feel good anymore (otherwise i feel like im constantly being tormented and i cant handle feeling like this) - and just hitting myself with a rubber band doesnt do anything but stall me for a second as i cant stop thinking about cutting.
depression and anxiety to say the least.
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